What's A Crush To Do ?
by myownwayx
Summary: The war is over...Can Harry be there for Ron when he needs him most? Future Slash. RonHarry.
1. Chapter 1

**What's A Crush To Do**

**Chapter 1**

_The world was covered in blankets, I couldn't see a thing, darkness spread across my eyes, the last thing I saw was a flash of green, the only curse that can cause that light is the killing curse, and I knew some one had died, some one I loved. Laughs spread across the damp streets, puddles mixed with rain and blood splashed around my feet, I was standing in the blood of my loved ones, my body to numb to do anything about it. Screaming, I raised my wand, I couldn't make out the figure in front of me, but it was getting closer and closer, the laugh louder and louder, I knew that laugh, for it had visited my nightmares ever since I was one years old, before I knew what I was doing I reached my wand to him, he was so close the tip of my wand was digging into his chest, yet he was moving even closer, I was terrified, I couldn't hear anything, anything except that laugh. Its weird to think that one laugh can have such an affect on one person, that laugh froze my heart, and I could feel it shatter inside me. I had to do something, I couldn't let him kill any one else, I couldn't let him kill any one else I loved, I tried listening out for any one else that could still be alive, but the smell of dead bodies made my stomach hurt as I held back my vomit, I couldn't show my weakness, but he already knew, laughing louder this time, I reacted, "Avada Kedarva" I screamed, but nothing happened, I screamed it again and again but nothing happened, he just laughed. Why won't he die? When he killed every one I ever loved in my life, but the bastard wont die. _

"_You lost everything Harry Potter," He said through a smile, "I told you, you would." I wanted to scream, how dare he be right, when it meant every one I loved would die. Pointing my wand directly into his heart, pushing it in, even though I was sure his heart had froze long ago, I screamed the killing curse, the curse he used thousands of time to make my life empty, to make me feel alone, which I was. He didn't laugh, for a moment he didn't do anything, but i knew it worked, his black eyes stared at me through the darkness, I blinked away my tears as my energy drained away, there was a gasp, some one was still alive, looking around desperately I hoped it was some one from our side, some one from the order. I looked back at the man who ruined my child hood, the man who shaped my teenage body as an adult, and I couldn't believe my eyes, where my wand had hit his heart, a flame had begun, and he stood there, still, covered in fire, not a sound, not a laugh, just silence, and I knew, i knew I had won. Falling backwards, I watched as he went up in smoke, his ashes whirling in a circle, but it wasn't over, his ashes came flying at me, struggling to move I realised how much pain I was in that was being blocked by the adrenaline, he was in me, laughing once more, as he sent images through my mind._

_The screams, the cries, it was hard to take, but then I saw who had died, the flash of light, I saw who it had hit, I cried out loud, they couldn't be dead, not both of them, but they were, their bodies on top of each other, their ginger hair covered in each others blood, my stomach turned, and I could feel vomit and blood in my mouth, Fred and George, they were gone. But they were not the only ones, members from the order where sprawled across the floor, I recognised a few, and my heart broke in two as i saw Lupin amongst the dead, the laugh returned, but he sounded weak, he sounded defeated, just as much as I felt. _

"_You bastard!" I screamed, "You didn't have to kill them!" My thoughts turned back to the present, as I felt him move inside my mind, laughing, "You've lost, your weak not me!" I didn't know what to say, it was like what happened at the ministry two years ago, when his soul entered me, I got rid of him then, but I was stronger then, I've lost everything now, and a part of me just wants to give in and die with him, but then I hear another voice._

"_Harry," He calls, and I turn my pain filled body to the side and see him staring at me, "You have to fight Harry," I was sick of fighting, but his voice made it possible, "You have to forgive." That was it, the key to killing him._

"_You killed a lot of people, your sick, you get off on torturing people, but you didn't kill every one I love. You failed to kill me, that was always your plan, to prove your self, even though you killed my parents, it was your fault Sirius died, and its your fault that wizard children have nightmares, but, I forgive you because I know if you were any bit human, you wouldn't have been able to forgive yourself ." My voice was shaking but I had done it, he came crashing out of me, and I knew he was gone, and I knew he would never be back. _

_Ron rushed forward, holding my limp body, he was the only one around moving, we were the only ones left. "Harry, you did it mate." He said, I could tell he was smiling, I saw white lights flash around me, as Aurors filled the darkened streets, he held me tight. _

"_Ron.." I said weakly, I was sure I was going to die that very moment, but there was one thing that I had to say, "I love you." My body was weak, and my breath was short, he held me even tighter._

"_Don't die on me Harry." He said, "I love you, your going to make it." His voice pulled me through, "You have to be there for me, please, don't die." His smile had faded, and through sore eyes, I could see him cry. "Hold on Harry." And I did, I held onto the love of mine and Ron's friendship, with the secret wish that one day, we could be more than friends, that's how I survived the war and many didn't, only no one else knows that's secret, not yet any way._

0x0x0

I sat on Ron's bed, he was next to me, just sitting, he couldn't say anything, neither could I, there was nothing I could say, nothing that would comfort any one, not in this house any way, they had lost three important members of the Weasley family, the twins who was an asset to the family, always making every one laugh despite the situation, and Percy, who was removed from the family last year, after he showed that he was more dark then any one had even noticed. But they were Ron's brothers, Mrs Weasley's sons, and now they were gone, it had been a week since Fred and George died to save the lives of their younger brother, something Ron had only told me earlier that day, and it was some thing that only I knew, I felt special that he confided in me, but there was nothing I could say that would make him feel better, he never cried, he just sat there, he punched the walls some times, to let his anger out, I was sure he was putting on a brave face for his family, especially his younger sister and mother, who spent most of their time crying. The garden was full of Weasley's, I sat with Ron, who didn't leave my side much, only to help his mum, but then I would help to, it wasn't much being there for Ron, but it made him feel safe, and I told myself I would never want him to feel as if he wasn't safe, so if that meant me being with him for the rest of my life, I would be there, helping him through anything he had to go through, just so he didn't have to go through it alone.

His mum asked him to say something at the service, he hated speaking to crowds, he wasn't shy, he found it uncomfortable, I don't blame him, but I watched him standing up there, looking at every one crying, and he looked like a hero, he didn't smile, and he didn't start talking until the crowds had finished talking amongst them selves, he cleared his throat and begun to speak.

"My mum asked me to say a few words, I was more than pleased to, Fred and George, are, were, the most interesting people I had ever known, there was no one like them, no one as funny, and no one as strange, they spent their lives making people laugh, even if it meant making people miserable first, they would make them laugh after, it was the sort of people they were," He paused and looked at the graves behind him, "They didn't go down laughing, like they always said they would, it happened so fast that night, and nothing about that night was funny, a lot of good people died, Fred and George they died as hero's just like every one else, I was the reason they died, they jumped in at the same time, as the killing curse was about to hit me, if it wasn't for them, I would be dead right now, all the names I called them in the past, every time I swore I would kill them for turning my hair yellow, or giving me sweets that made me ill, I take it all back, because they were hero's, and I never told once when they were alive just how important they were to me, when I was younger and they turned my favourite teddy into a spider I told them how I hated them and I swore that I would never talk to them again, but turning my teddy into a spider helped me get over my fears of spiders because when I screamed they came in and told me it was okay, they held my frightened body and turned it into my teddy again, and then from that moment I knew if I needed them they would always be there for me. And they were. I loved them, and I always will, they weren't just my brothers, they were my friends, and frankly, with out them the world is going to be one hell of a boring place to be." Ron finished his speech, and looking around every one was crying, I was crying, but he wasn't, he sat next to me, and I grabbed his hand, and he smiled awkwardly and then looked down at his feet, his hand still tightly in mine.

"Ron that was beautiful." Hermione smiled, as tears fell from her face, that was the most Ron had said since his brothers were killed, and I was sure that was going to be the most he would say for a long time, but I didn't blame him, I was proud of him, he smiled at Hermione who only had a few bruises, after Lupin had taken her back to the house along with Ginny before Voldermourt had even showed up, something they were both secretly grateful for.

After the service, there was a small party, Ron spent most of his time sat with his mum, who wouldn't let him, Ginny, Charlie and Bill out of her sight, Mr Weasley was also there, comforting his wife and children, but looking at them, Ron was the strongest, he cradled Ginny in his arms, as Bill and Charlie drank away their sorrow. I sat with Hermione at the lake, staring at the water, it was peaceful and it made me feel safe.

"Ron's really brave, I don't think I could handle it like he is." Hermione said as she stole quick glances at Ron, I didn't know what to say, I nodded in agreement and stared at the water, wondering if Fred and George were as peaceful as the lake. A couple of hours had begun to pass, and every one had started to leave, Hermione's parents had come and said how sorry they were to Mr and Mrs Weasley, and then took Hermione home, she didn't argue even though she wanted to stay, after everything that had happened she told me she was going to spend more time with her parents.

I sat with Ron in his bed, he was quiet but I was getting used to that. I didn't like it, but I couldn't push him into being okay. Like I predicted he hadn't said anything since his speech at the funeral, when his mother spoke to him he would reply with nods and shrugs and just walk out of the room once their one sided conversation had finished. It broke my heart all over again seeing how miserable Ron was.

He still hadn't cried, but if he did he hid it well. He was his families rock and I could tell he knew if he cried he wouldn't be able to be there for his family the way he thought he had to be. I hated the silence that grew between us. I hated not knowing what he was thinking, but the thought of knowing what caused his eyes to mist scared me.

I stared at Ron, his eyes were focused on a spot on the floor, his teeth biting at his lower lip nervously, he went to speak but stopped himself and stared at me.

"What is it?" I asked softly and he shrugged. "You know I'm here Ron, you can talk to me about anything." He nodded gently but didn't speak, he put his head on my shoulder and I felt the sudden need to embrace him, and I did. I wrapped my arms around him and he did the same and buried his face in my neck. I felt his body shake as he held back tears I knew he needed to cry. "Its alright Ron." I say quietly and the emotional break down begins, he cries harder than I think he has ever cried, not that I would know, this is the first time I had seen him cry. His body shook as his tears fell and then he pulled out of the hug, his face covered in wet lines of sadness, his body reacting as if he had sat on a stove as he jumped of the bed and paced the room bitterly, tears still forming as he raised his fist to the wall. I heard the impact of the wall on his knuckles, and saw the blood slowly start to pour from his freckled skin. But he kept on punching as though he couldn't feel the pain, I couldn't sit and watch him do it to himself, reacting on speed I jumped up and walked over to him quickly, pulling his body close to mine, he didn't stop punching, his fists colliding with my shoulder, I flinched in pain but didn't move away from him, he punched harder and faster and I wrapped my arms around his body as he took out his anger on me, he eventually stopped punching but he cried hard into my shoulder. My arms held him tight protecting him from the world.

**_Reviews make me moan _**


	2. Chapter 2

Dinners at the Weasleys were once something so extraordinary that I craved the next one, the upbeat tempo of conversation, the lightly scolding from Mrs Weasley when the twins used Ron has a lab rat for their latest joke, and then continue talking to her husband about her day but at the same time still fussing to make sure every one was properly fed, now the conversation was as dead as the twins who always started them. Mrs Weasley didn't look at Ron at all, she spoke to her husband quietly and with out affection, as he sat and stared at plate that his wife had half heartedly cooked as she chocked back sobs.

I stared at Ron across the table wondering what was going through his head as he picked at the peas, he hadn't eaten properly since the war ended and you could tell on his face, it had been an hour since his emotional outburst and he had acted as though it hadn't happened, crawled back into his emotion free closet and locked the door. He looked up at me every now and again to find me staring, and he held my gaze for a minute before looking around the table to see every one but me avoiding his eye line.

Ron sighed loudly once the meal was over and rushed up to his bedroom, and I wondered if he was going to punch more walls, or me for that matter but I knew if he wanted to punch me, I would let him. He sat on his bed and looked at me and I thought he was going to cry again, but instead he broke into a small smile and told me to sit, which I did.

"I never thought I'd be glad to go back to school," He said and put his head on my shoulder, and I snaked a nervous arm around his waist, he didn't flinch at the touch, he welcomed it with a small sigh.

"It'll do you good, having time away from your family." I said, although my thoughts on Ron's family had changed slightly since the death of the twins, they had treated Ron as a scapegoat blaming him for it silently, though Ron could hear it every day.

"I'm scared." Ron mumbled, and I didn't understand why, I used my other hand to play with his hair and felt his body relax slightly and felt his lips smile into my neck.

"Why are you scared Ron?" I asked softly and I felt a tear on my neck and realised he was crying again silently and I wrapped my arms around him in a full hug and rested my chin on his head.

"They'll all know what I did." He sobbed, what was he talking about. What did he do?

"Ron, what did you do?" I asked even softer and I felt more tears fall from his eyes as his body started to shake, I pushed him away slightly and saw just how much he was crying, and used my thumb to wipe the tears away.

"I couldn't save them," He cried, "They always saved me, and I couldn't save them." He sobbed and looked at the floor as he continued to speak, "When I saw him, I froze. I thought he was going to kill me straight away, and I knew I would never see you again." Ron cried and I pulled him back into the hug, "And they shouted at me to move, he raised his wand and I was still standing there. I could have moved but I didn't, Fred he, pushed me away and it hit him. George looked at me and I saw him cry and scream in pain as one of the Death Eaters got him from behind, and he fell on Fred. And its all my fault." Ron cried so hard I was pretty sure he was about to be sick. I didn't know what to say, Ron hadn't told me that before but I didn't think any less of him.

"Its not your fault, they were your brothers. They died protecting you Ron, they loved you and there up there laughing at how much your torturing yourself because of this, when they know its not your fault." It was all I could think to say as I hugged Ron closer, he was still crying and I didn't know if he was ever going to stop.

"When I was little, and had nightmares they were always there. And now they are my nightmares." He cried, and I knew he had so much more emotion to let out and I sat hugging him being his personal tissue as he cried into my shoulder. "I feel so alone." I hushed him and cradled him, and I felt his body calm down, he yawned into my neck and I realised how late it was, and put his body into a lying down position and sighed at how small and defeated he looked.

"Try to sleep Ron," I whispered and I saw a few stray tears fall from his red eyes.

"I don't want to be alone." He cried.

"I'm here Ron." I stated and he smiled weakly.

"I don't want you to die, every one I love dies." He cried and I hugged him and rested my head on the pillow next to him, "I don't know what I would do if you would have died," He said in barely a whisper as his tears still fell, "I love you so much Harry, please don't ever leave me." He wrapped his arms tightly around my waist as if I was about to walk away from him, but I held him close to me and he put his head on my chest and sniffed.

"I love you too Ron, I'm never going to leave you." I promised, it was an easy promise because it was the one thing I was sure of.

I watched him sleep and it scared me at how small he looked when he was sleeping, how vulnerable he felt when he curled beside me, it made me want to protect him even more. What he said bothered me, but for one reason and that was because he had been holding it in for over a week, and it wasn't that he hadn't just told me, it was that he hadn't told any one, he had bottled up deep emotion and it was killing him inside.

My selfish mind couldn't help but think that Ron had told me he loved me for the first time, and I had said it back, though meaning it in a completely different way to how Ron did. I was his best friend, as he was mine and he loved me because of that. I loved him because he was perfect and he didn't even realise. He was perfectly good looking in a way that he didn't brag about it, he had one girl friend in his life and he didn't realise that half the female population in our year was after him, including our best friend Hermione. He had a personality of an angel, he cared about others before himself, and treated every one with respect they deserved. I loved him in every single way.

I fell asleep holding him in my arms, and for the first time since the war we both slept soundly. Ron who usually woke up in the middle of the night screaming and crying for his twin brothers slept at peace in my arms, and we woke up tangled together as one, his hand in mine.

"Morning." I mumbled as his eyes opened and he smiled weakly back and I knew he was embarrassed, I went to move but he stopped me and smiled again this time with more effort.

"Don't go," He said.

"I wont." I smiled and he held my hand tighter and smiled at me again. "Do you want to go down stairs and get some breakfast?" I asked softly looking at the clock on his wall, half ten breakfast would be almost finished.

"I'm not hungry, but if you want to you can go." He mumbled, and I squeezed his hand and he looked up at me.

"You need to eat, so come on." I smiled and he frowned but he got up willingly he still held my hand, and as we got closer to his kitchen he held it tighter scared that I would let go. We walked in hand in hand and I was very much aware of the looks we were getting. He held it tighter and stared at his feet and I squeezed it reassuringly and he looked up to see every one staring and he shrugged and took a roll from the side and handed it to me and then took one for himself.

"Can we eat out side?" He asked quietly and I nodded and he smiled weakly and we walked out into the garden, he held his head low and stared the the over growing grass as we walked hand in hand to our favourite tree. It felt weird holding Ron's hand, and walking together as one. I had wanted it for so long and its finally happening. He sits closer to me than he normally would and I can't help but have my stomach turn into knots, he put his head on my shoulder and started picking at his roll.

"What do you want to do today?" I asked as I played with his fingers, he let out a sigh and shrugged.

"Its the twenty seventh, Hermione is coming today." Ron said after a few minutes. I wondered if Hermione being here would change what's happening between us, I didn't even know what was happening between us.

"Oh yeah." I said simply and he smiled into my shoulder.

"I love you," He said quietly and my heart jumped in the air.

"I love you too." I said just as quiet and he smiled and sat up.

Just as he went to say some thing Ginny walked out in the garden with Hermione, I looked at Ron who sighed and squeezed my hand and I thought he was going to pull away but he didn't.

"Hey Harry, Hey Ron!" Hermione smiled brightly, as she put her arm around me and then around Ron hugging us both tightly. "Ron, how are you?"

"Fine," He mumbled, and turned his head to look at the garden. It hit me that Ron hadn't spoken to any one as much as he had me, and even then that wasn't much.

"Good," Hermione said weakly and smiled at me. I knew she wanted to ask why we were holding hands, and so did Ginny who looked furious. "So, what have you been up to?" She asked.

"Not a lot." I smiled, "Played a bit of chess."

"Who won?" Hermione laughed.

"Who do you think?" I smiled and Ron smiled weakly up at me before turning his attention to the garden and I just realised what he was staring at, the graves. Hermione and Ginny both noticed as well, and Ginny sighed and walked in doors, she hated spending time out here, Hermione smiled at us both before following the youngest Weasley in doors.

"Harry," Ron said quietly and I looked at him and he smiled weakly. "What's going on with us?"

"I don't know." My response was stupid and I knew it. "What do you want?" I asked, not wanting to push him into something that he isn't ready for.

"I want you." He said confidently.

"Then you've got me." I smiled and he squeezed my hand before putting his head back on my shoulder and smiling,


	3. Chapter 3

**Thanks for the reviews. Keep them coming :)**

The summer came to an end and I watched from behind as Ron said his good byes to his family, he hugged his mum sheepishly and she hugged back with little enthusiasm, his dad placed a warm hand on his shoulder and squeezed gently and Ron just nodded weakly, his older brothers, Bill and Charlie pulled him in for hugs which Ron was reluctant to pull out of, he said his final good bye and walked towards me, and I saw him wipe his eyes with his sleeve. I smiled reassuringly at him as he stood in front of me as I wrapped him in a hug which he held on to. We waited for Ginny as she hugged every one good bye, she walked over to us a small smile on her lips as she saw Ron's hand reach for mine. I wrapped an arm around her and she smiled gratefully as we started to walk towards the train.

Hermione saw us and said her good byes to her parents and came rushing over, she hugged Ginny who hugged back with affection, and then she hugged me and Ron smiling weakly at Ron who smiled just as weak back.

"Ron, we're prefects." Hermione grinned.

"Who is?" Ron asked, his voice shaking with emotion.

"Me and you. We're the Gryffindor prefects." She smiled. "We have to go for a meeting."

"I don't want to be a prefect." Ron said quietly so only I could hear him.

"Ron, are you coming?" Hermione asked as she had already started rushing for the prefects cabin, he looked at me and squeezed my hand.

"I'll see you later," He said and walked of trying to keep up with Hermione.

"Come on, lets get a carriage." Ginny smiled and pulled me along to board the train. We found a cabin with our friends in, Luna, Neville, Seamus and Dean were sat smiling when we walked in.

"Hey," Ginny smiled and sat next to Luna, Neville grinned at her his crush for her still existing. Every one greeted each other and I took a seat next to the door, saving one for Ron.

"Where's Ron and Hermione?" Dean asked, and I sighed.

"Prefects." Ginny smiled proudly, she was the only one in her family that treated Ron as if it wasn't his fault.

"Ron, a prefect." Seamus laughed. "Dumbledore must have had some sort of stroke making that one a prefect."

"I think he'll make a good prefect." Luna said in her dazed like voice that only added to her character, "He'll be good at telling the younger ones what to do."

"That's what worries me." Dean laughed.

"How is Ron any way?" Neville asked kindly, aiming it at Ginny.

"He's coping, just like every one else." Ginny smiled though we both knew that no one was coping very well.

"Is your mum and dad okay?" Seamus asked, and I was glad that Ron wasn't in the carriage for this part of our conversation.

"She's upset, but she'll be okay. We all will." Ginny said and looked at me and I knew that was aimed at me.

Just as the conversation about the twins finished, Ron walked in Hermione behind, Ron sat next to me and smiled at every one and Hermione beamed.

"How was prefect duty?" I asked and Ron snorted.

"Ron!" Hermione said and Ron laughed.

"What's the joke?" Dean asked.

"Hermione had a fight with the head girl," Ron said trying to hold in his laughter, "She didn't think that the organisation of the meeting was to standard, and then had a fit when she saw who else was made prefect."

"Who else?" Dean asked.

"Malfoy and Pansy." I laughed when Hermione forced the names out, "Don't know why your smiling Ron when you have to patrol twice a week with Malfoy."

"That sucks." Seamus said sadly, sympathy was written all over his face. "Can't you change?"

"No he can not." Hermione said and I took Ron's hand who smiled at me before pressing his head on my shoulder. Dean, Seamus and Neville all looked over shocked and I just smiled at them.

"Ron, can I talk with you please?" Ginny asked a short while after, and Ron looked up sleep in his eyes but nodded. "Harry are you coming?" Ginny asked as she and Ron stood at the door. I nodded and stood up and followed Ginny along the train to an empty carriage.

"What's wrong Gin?" Ron asked, his brotherly mode in over drive as he looked at the expression on his youngest sisters face.

"Mum, she wanted me to tell you that they are doing a memorial for the twins at school, well not just the twins but every one that you know." Ginny said quietly, and Ron nodded and sat down.

"When did you find out?" I asked and Ron smiled at me as I sat next to him, Ginny sat opposite us.

"When we were at the platform, I was going to tell you straight away but you went to the prefect meeting." Ginny said sounding as though she thought she had to explain herself, which Ron picked up on and smiled.

"Thanks for telling me," He smiled and hugged his little sister who fell into her brothers embrace and started to cry, she didn't try to hide her tears from me or Ron, and neither did he. This was the first time that Ron had openly cried in front of any one in his family since the death of his twin brothers, and Ginny held on tighter when she realised that her brother was crying. Ron pulled away first and wiped his eyes on his sleeve again and smiled weakly at Ginny who was doing the same, they didn't say anything except for when Ginny said she would leave us two alone and went back to the carriage.

"You okay?" I asked as he fell to my side hugging me tightly.

"No," He sobbed quietly, and I held on to him tighter. "They're not here Harry." He cried into my shoulder, "They're not hear to take the piss out of me for being made a prefect, they're not here to give me that smile that tells me that they are proud of me." Ron cried hysterically, as he clung to me like a child to their blanket. "I miss them so much."

"I know you do," I said softly as I stroked his hair from his face. "They are proud of you Ron."

"They're not. I killed them." He said in barely a whisper. I pushed him away slightly so I could look at him properly.

"You did not kill them you hear me Ron." I said sternly, which startled him but he nodded his head weakly, "I swear to you Ron, this is not your fault. Voldermort killed them, and if you would have tried to stop him, he would have killed you as well." Ron who normally flinched at the name looked as though his eyes were replaced with fire, and that look scared me. "He's dead Ron. He's paying in hell for what he did to every one." I promised and he nodded and the tears stopped falling.

"Thanks," He said weakly before holding my hand once more, I smiled at him weakly and he pressed his lips to my cheek and stood up and I followed him to the other carriage. Heat radiated of my cheek and I realised how much I needed Ron just as much as he needed me. I sat next to him and he wrapped his arms around me and put his head on my shoulder, and I used my free hand to play with his hair and he smiled.

"So are you two together?" Seamus asked smiling.

"Yeah." Ron answered and squeezed my hand tighter and I smiled.

"That's so cute." Luna smiled, her eyes focusing on us more than any one else. "You deserve happiness. The both of you." She smiled and Ron smiled back at her before closing his eyes.

"Ron," I whispered as every one started to leave the carriage, he stirred quietly on my shoulder and I said his name again a little louder and he opened his eyes and smiled slightly. "We're there." I whispered and his eyes opened fully and he looked around and smiled.

"I love you." He said quietly and I smiled furiously at him.

"I love you too." I said just as quiet as him, and his eyes moved from my eyes to my lips as he pressed his against them softly. His lips were soft and chapped from where he had been biting them all summer, I ran my tongue over his bottom lip and he parted his lips and I felt my tongue take matters into its own hand and tasted every part of Ron, his tongue entered my mouth and he brushed his tongue against mine and I felt as if I was ready to explode from this one loving kiss. He broke this kiss and blushed into my neck as I kissed him on the cheek.

"We should go," He smiles weakly and gets up and starts walking away, I get up and pull his hand and I spin him around and kiss his lips softly before smiling, and we walk of the train quickly trying to catch up with our house mates.

The sorting ceremony was its usual self, the sorting hat making slide comments on most of the students, and all houses cheering when some one was placed in their house, once every one was sorted Dumbledore stood up and every one showed respect and stopped talking.

"Last term was some thing that many people in this school and all around the wizarding world will never be able to forget." Dumbledore spoke softly and his eyes glistened for the dead, "A lot of great students died that day, a lot of families are in mourning for sons and daughters that are lost, and a lot of you are trying to deal with the end of the war and losing loved ones. And I would like to take a moment silence for every one that died that day, and I'm sure that they all know that they will be missed." Looking closer at Dumbledore I saw that he was crying, as were many of the students and teachers in the hall. Ginny was now crying in Ron's arms but he just stayed silent as he had been since we got of the train. Dean, Neville and Seamus all had tears in their eyes, and the Slytherins who had lost brothers, fathers and uncles as Death Eaters were all trying to hold in their emotion, except for Malfoy who looked bored as he watched every one, his eyes didn't move from Ron.

I walked upstairs to the tower with Ron, he still hadn't managed to get his appetite back to normal, but I was glad that he managed to eat some thing and promised to eat some fruit later. He sat on his bed and I sat next to him and he wrapped his arm around me and sighed.

"I have prefect duty tonight." He said quietly.

"Do you want me to come?" I asked, ready to put on my invisibility cloak and protect him from anything, he smiled gratefully but shook his head.

"I'll be okay." He promised, "I can handle Malfoy." He smiled weakly, "Don't think I can handle being away from you though." He blushed when he realised what he had said but I was blushing along with him.

"I'll wait up for you." I smiled and he nodded. "Do you want to sleep on your own?" I asked and he shook his head.

"I mean if you want to, you can." He said quickly and started mumbling, which I found really cute but couldn't let him continue so pressed my lips against his talking mouth and kissed him and after the initial shock he kissed back and pushed me on the bed and continued kissing me as his arms wrapped around me tightly.

Despite Ron telling me that he would be fine on his own, I couldn't resists putting my invisibility cloak on and waiting five minutes before following him on his prefect duties. Mainly it was because I couldn't be away from him, and because I was worried that he wouldn't be able to handle his emotions in front of Malfoy.

Ron walked up to Malfoy who stood solemnly waiting in the darkness, Ron sighed and started walking and Malfoy followed. Ron was silent as was Malfoy but both kept on looking at each other when the other wasn't looking.

"I'm sorry about your brothers." Draco's words made both me and Ron stop in our tracks. "Don't look so shocked Weasel Bee, I liked your brothers."

"You did?" Ron said in almost a laugh as he continued to walk. "I thought you despised all poor blood traitors like us?"

"I do, but their joke products weren't half bad." Draco said and Ron laughed, it was the first time he had laughed since the war and it broke my heart that it was because of a compliment Draco had said.

"Well I'm sure they'll be turning around in their graves at what you just said," Ron smiled.

"Do you believe in heaven?" Draco asked after a few minutes of silence.

"I've never really thought about it," Ron sighed and looked at Draco curiously, "I'd like to think their was some thing as heaven," He paused and Draco looked at him, "But it seems a bit far fetched."

"So where do you think the twins are?" Draco asked, "And every one else who died?"

"I think the twins have probably managed to get them selves somewhere where they can torment little children," Ron laughed and Draco smiled, "I think there are some people who probably are being punished for what they did." Ron said and Draco nodded.

"Like my dad." Draco mumbled, and I was shocked that they were opening up to each other. "You hate me and my family don't you?"

"Honestly, no." Ron said and I thought my ears were betraying me, but Ron had actually said it, "Hate is a strong word Draco, and yes we don't get on at all, but we were raised not to, and maybe I think if we were born not to hate each others family then maybe things would have been different." Ron smiled and Draco grinned. I couldn't help but wonder why Ron's approval of him meant so much.

"I know my dad did bad things, he chose to be a Death Eater but I know he regretted it. Every one thought that I would follow in his foot steps, but I didn't." Ron stopped walking and stared at Draco in shock, "He chose to be a Death Eater for the power, he didn't care what he had to do for the power, but me I saw how much it tormented him, I heard him cry at night and I saw how torn up he looked, and I didn't want that, I believed in some of Voldermort's ideas yes, but I would never have gone his way around to get it. Power killed them both." Draco muttered, why would he say that. His dad wasn't dead.

"I'm sorry," Ron mumbled and Draco smiled and wiped his eyes. "What happened?" Why did Ron sound so sincere, why did he care?

"He killed himself, he took the cowards way out." Draco muttered in disgust, "All this shit about bringing me up to believe that all you needed was power, and he killed himself." Ron smiled weakly at Draco and put a hand on his shoulder, Draco smiled at Ron.

"You know when the twins died, even Percy. I thought that I couldn't go on because it just wasn't normal, I was going on with my life and they're not." Ron sighed and sat on one of the walls, Draco sat next to him. "I'm really happy, which some times I wonder why I deserve to be happy and they're dead."

"You shouldn't think like that." Draco said and Ron nodded.

"I know, its stupid because I couldn't have done anything about it. But I miss them, and want them back." Ron mumbled and I saw the tears fall from his eyes that he didn't bother to hide.

"You know we're really not that different." Draco smiled as he put a hand on Ron's shoulder who smiled at the touch, Draco moved in closer and Ron just stared at him as Draco kissed him.

"Draco, stop." Ron said and pulled away, I felt my body shake under the cloak and saw how sad Ron looked and wondered if he was going to kiss him back.

"I'm sorry I shouldn't have." Draco muttered blushing furiously.

"No, its okay." Ron said and my heart broke. "I know what your trying to do, you need to feel close to some one, and your latching on to me because I reckon I'm the only one who will listen." Ron sighed and Draco stared in disbelief. "I did the exactly same thing to Harry, but ended up falling in love with him, and I know your hurt and confused but kissing me isn't going to make up for your dad." Ron said in a shaky breath, and I realised that I was crying.

"You and Harry?" Draco asked and Ron nodded. "And you love him?"

"Yeah, I love him." Ron stated and I smiled under my cloak. "You'll be happy again Draco, I think we can call it a night, but if you ever need to talk, come find me." Ron smiled and walked away leaving Draco on his own.

I rushed back to the common room by using one of my short cuts I had to beat Ron there, I sat on one of the chairs with Hermione who looked at me with a funny look when I came in out of breath, but she had realised what I had done and smiled weakly when Ron walked in.

"Hey, how was your patrol?" She asked and he sat next to me, taking my hand in his and resting it on my shoulder.

"Fine," He mumbled, he didn't look me or her in the eye, and I knew he was lying simply because of what I had heard but also because of what I saw. "I'm tired, going to bed." He mumbled before rushing of to the dorm room. Hermione gave me a look telling me to go up there.

"Ron," I said softly as I realised he was crying in his bed. I sat next to him and he fell into my arms holding me tightly

"I'm so sorry." He cried and I knew he felt guilty, "Draco kissed me." I had to act surprised but I couldn't, I wasn't surprised that he had kissed him and wasn't surprised when Ron pushed him away. "Please don't leave me."

"I'm never going to leave you Ron."

"Promise me Harry." Ron said as he held on to me in case my promise wasn't true.

"I promise," I smiled and I felt his body calm in my arms.


	4. Chapter 4

_Sorry for the late update.. i had writers block!! and home work. hopefully will have more soon! review :D lets see if I can get ten :D_

I watched Ron sleep, he was having a nightmare – I could always tell by his thrashing around on the bed – and he was reluctant to wake from it despite how many times I called his name out and how many times I tried to shake him. I waited it out, staring at his scrunched up face, and how his eyes squeezed back tears, what ever he was dreaming about had a hold on him and he was more than scared he was terrified. I put a small silencing charm on the bed that we shared – our dorm mates smiled when we had told them we were sharing a bed and said we made a cute couple – as Ron was now screaming and moaning in what sounded like pain. He woke up screaming, his eyes opened revealing the thick tears he had been holding in, he looked at me fear written across his face and he cried into my embrace, his hands clenching at my top as he shook violently.

"Ron, its okay, it was just a nightmare." I told him, he didn't respond or act as thought he could hear me he just cried. He didn't speak to me about the nightmare or about anything as I calmed him down by speaking what I thought was nonsense, he calmed down eventually and his eyes fluttered close nervously, his grip on me was still tight and mine was just as tight around him as he fell into an uneasy sleep.

The following morning I woke up to find that Ron wasn't in it, I hadn't felt him leave me alone in the middle of the night. Panic hit me and I rushed out of bed and headed for the toilets, the one place I knew Ron always went when he needed to be alone, but him being alone after having a nightmare as bad as he had last night scared me more than anything.

Like I predicted he was there, sat in one of the shower cubicles – the shower not on – crying, his body curled up as small as possible. He looked so broken and I didn't know what to do. I walked slowly up to him, not to startle him as it seemed he was in a world of his own. I sat next to him, he hadn't looked up or acknowledged the fact that I was even there, he didn't move away when I put my arm around him instead he inched closer and put his head on my shoulder, he was still crying and his body was shaking like it had been when he woke from the nightmare.

I didn't say anything, there was nothing that I could say that would calm him down or make him stop crying, he had to let his emotions out and the fact that he was doing it with me holding him tight, protecting him made a difference to me. He ran out of tears twenty minutes later, and neither of us had said anything. He looked pale, tired and ill, I knew he hadn't had a good nights sleep and the fact that he hadn't been eating properly was catching up with him.

"Want to go back to bed?" I asked softly, and the look on his face caused my heart to stop beating, he looked scared, terrified even. "Okay, lets get dressed and go for an early breakfast." I said quickly and he sighed in relief, and walked out of the bathroom quickly.

The great hall was empty as it was only seven, every one would just be getting up for lessons now. Ron sat next to me, and stared at the food in front of us not saying a word. I put a slice of bacon, a fried egg and a bit of toast on his plate and he picked up his fork and started to pick at it, i put the same on my plate and then poured us two glasses of juice which he drank quickly.

"Ron, what was the nightmare about?" I asked softly, but it was loud enough to startle him and he dropped his fork on his plate which sent a loud clatter across the empty hall. He didn't say anything, he took a sip of his drink, and picked up the fork and started to play with his food again. "Can you eat some thing?" I asked and he bit at the toast. I watched him carefully as he chewed mechanically, when he swallowed it looked as though it hurt his throat and he drank more juice and refilled his cup, and mine. "Thanks," I said quietly but he didn't even look at me.

"Your up early!" Hermione's voice made us both jump, and Ron dropped his drink every where. She cleaned it up with her wand and Ron shuddered as he stared at the wand, she noticed this too and looked at me and I shrugged.

"Why you up so early?" Hermione asked as she sat opposite us, putting food on her own plate and than staring at Ron who was now moving his bit of bacon around the plate.

"Couldn't sleep." I answered and Ron looked up at me and than back down at his plate and blinked.

"Oh," Hermione sighed she looked at Ron with a worried expression and looked at me again for answers. "How was prefect duty?" She asked Ron, he looked up but didn't say anything for a minute and than looked down.

"Fine," He said, his voice was soft and quiet but filled with emotion, he didn't say anything else when we were at breakfast, and I didn't know what to do or say.

We walked down to our first lesson which was transfiguration, Ron remained silent and walked next to me, he didn't refuse me when I took his hand, his body relaxed a little to the touch but not too much. I sat in the middle of Ron and Hermione as everyone started to file in for the lesson.

"Welcome back students," McGonagall smiled at each of us, an extra heart warming smile to Ron who didn't look up to see the concern in her eyes. "This year we will be doing our animagus transformations, as you know not all wizards can become an animagus as it is something that runs in their blood lines, however do not let this stop you from trying your hardest at the tasks I set you," She said and made sure every one was listening, she continued to speak and told us to turn to our text books which every one did in a ruffle of noise.

"I would like you to read the first chapter to yourselves, as I come around and talk to you and answer any questions you might have." She said and I stared at Ron for a minute as his eyes scanned his second hand book, I noticed by the writing on the pages that his book belonged to Fred and his body was shaking as he read it. I started reading the chapter myself, sneaking glances at Ron every few seconds to make sure that he was still next to me as McGonagall walked over to our table.

"How are you Ron?" She asked softly as she transformed a chair with a wand and sat on it gracefully. Ron looked up from his reading, he was still pale and his eyes were now red from tiredness and crying this morning.

"I'm fine," Ron said sharply, and than looked back to his reading.

"Any one can see Mr Weasley that you are not fine," McGonagall still spoke calmly though a little more of her teacher voice back in her statement, "And as you are a member of my house, and a student in my class I can not let you continue to beat yourself up over what happened." Ron looked up furious.

"I'm fine!" Ron said loudly, and every one turned to look at him. "I wish every one would stop asking me how the fuck I am!" He was shouting now, and I noticed that Draco looked up and stared at Ron, a little too much.

"Mr Weasley, I do not tolerate swearing in my classes." McGonagall switched back to a teacher than a concerned women for a boy who was clearly hurting in an instant. "Would you like to go out and calm yourself down?" Ron nodded and walked out of the class. "Potter, go and make sure he is okay. Its fine, Miss Granger will catch you up with what you've missed, go and make sure he is okay." She said again and I nodded and rushed out of the class.

He was sitting on the floor by the door, his head in his hands as he cried silently to himself. I sat next to him, like I had this morning this time he looked up and then back down again. I wrapped an arm around him he didn't lean into the touch he acted as though I wasn't holding him.

"Ron, what happened in your nightmare?" I asked, my tone was soft but at the same time I knew it was serious, he looked up at me and sighed.

"They died." He mumbled.

"It was just a nightmare Ron." I said quietly and he shook his head.

"You don't understand," He said quietly.

"Well help me understand Ron, I'm trying, but I don't know what to do any more."

"In my nightmare, I had to chose. The twins, or you. I chose you." Ron choked back a sob as he moved his eyes from mine to the floor, as his hands picked at his sleeves. "I killed them, because I wanted you to live." I didn't know what to say, instead I squeezed Ron's hand and took it in mine, he stared at our hands and than pulled away. "I can't do it any more."

"Do what?" I asked confused as he got up, I got up as well and he sighed.

"I feel so guilty all the time." Ron mumbled. "They're dead Harry, and I'm with you and happy because I have you when I've lost them." He started crying again, "They're dead, how can I be okay, every one expects me to be okay and to be their for my family, when there's no one there for me." I pulled him into a hug and this time he didn't move away he just held on tight like he had this morning.

"I'm here for you, don't ever forget that Ron." I told him and he nodded into my hug and took a deep breath,

"I'm sorry," He mumbled as he took my hand and we started walking to the direction of the Gryffindor tower.

"What for?" I asked as I ran my thumb across his fingers.

"Being like this."

"You don't have a reason to be sorry, your upset its going to take time for you to feel okay."

"I know, but I feel bad because your always there to pick up the pieces, and I mean you lost more than any one in the war and your handling it like you always do."

"Ron, over the years I've lost practically every one I've ever cared about. But I've gained you, and no its not fair that I don't know my parents, or that Sirius died, but I have you and the war is over, and I just want to think about the future and spending the rest of my life with you. So don't you worry about me, you can cry all you want and I will always be here to wipe your eyes." I smiled and he smirked.

"I never knew you were so sentimental." He laughed and I blushed and he stopped and pulled me closer to him, pressing his lips to mine softly and pulling away, "Thank you."

Ron and I sat together in the common room, my arm was around him and he was leaning into my side as my hand played with his as we watched the fire quietly.

"I've decided some thing." Ron said and I looked down and he was smiling.

"What's that?" I asked and he smiled again.

"I'm going to think about the future, our future." He smiled and my heart did a girlish back flip at the thought of mine and Ron's future. "The twins and Percy they're gone, I don't know if I'm ever going to be okay with that, but there is nothing I can do." He took a sharp breath and sighed. "I love you with all my heart and I never want that feeling to end, but if I continue to act how I'm acting I'll lose you. I need you more than I've needed any one. I'm always going to miss my brothers, and I'm always going to hate the way my family look at me, and I'm always going to think it was my fault, but I need to move on and just be me again and be with you. No matter how hard it will be, I just want you to know that it will always be you." I smiled at him and realised I had tears in my eyes, he noticed to and blushed and kissed me deeply. His tongue was warm in my mouth as it played with mine in an erotic way. I couldn't help but moan in the kiss as he pulled away still blushing.

"Love you." He said looking into the fire.

"Love you too." I grinned and rested my head on his.

The hours passed and we still sat there, talking about everything that came to mind as every one started walking in, they had all heard about Ron's out break and all asked if he was okay.

"I'm fine, thanks." Ron chirped as Hermione asked.

"You don't have to tell me your fine if your not Ron," She smiled, but she looked relieve that he didn't shout at her and that he looked a lot better than he had in the class room.

"I'm not just saying it, I promise. I'm okay." He smiled.

"Good," She smiled and hugged him and he hugged back and she grinned. "Oh Harry, McGonagall wants to have a word with you." I looked at Hermione who smiled. "You go, I'll stay with Ron. He can tell me how much of a good kisser you are whilst your away." Ron laughed with Hermione and I blushed.

"I wont be long." I smiled and pecked Ron on the cheek.

"That all I get?" He asked and I grinned at him and moved back and kissed him on the lips, my tongue sliding along his bottom lip as my hands cupped his face, his hands circled my waist pulling me onto his lap slightly as the kiss grew deeper, and I felt part of my body react and pulled away quickly, blushing hoping he hadn't noticed.

"I'll be back in a bit." I said quickly before rushing out of the common room, every one was looking at me and were now probably looking at Ron and I felt slightly guilty leaving him there, even though everyone knew about us.

I walked quickly to my head of house's office and knocked on the door and entered when she called me to. I walked up to her desk and sat at the chair she told me to and she smiled.

"How is he?" She asked, and I knew she was deeply concerned just like all the teachers, well maybe except Snape.

"He is coping." I said, not really sure if I believed his little speech about how he was okay. "I know he will be fine though, he told me he is going to try and move on."

"I've noticed how he acts around other people, and the way he acts around you." she smiled at me and I could feel heat rising to my cheeks, "He's in love with you, as you are with him. How ever I am still worried about him, and wonder if maybe him being at school is good for him at the moment."

"Your thinking about sending him home?" I asked a little shocked.

"For a few more weeks, to deal with it properly." She said, "And I was wondering what you thought about this."

"I think its a horrible idea." I said defiantly and she looked a little shocked, "I was with him over the summer and I saw how he was handling it at home, and how he is handling everything here is a major improvement, he speaks more here, and his family treat him different, and if he goes back he isn't going to deal with anything he's going to bottle up his emotions that has taken him all summer to finally let out."

"Okay, I am just worried about him," She smiled.

"So am I, but I know he is going to be okay. He just needs a little time to get used to everything."

"Very well, I will keep a close eye on him though." I smiled at her and she started to speak again, "Is he sleeping okay?" I shook my head and she sighed, "Nightmares?" I nodded wondering if I was betraying his secret but than shrugged it of, "I will get him some dreamless sleep potion, and also some thing with nutrients in as I've noticed he hasn't been eating properly as well."

"Thanks," I smiled and she grinned back.

I walked up to the common room a small smile on my face, every one stared at me as I walked in and I poked my tongue out at Lavender who laughed back at me and I sat next to Ron who smirked.

"We were just speaking about how good you are in bed." Ron giggled, and I pretended to look shocked, we hadn't done anything that needs me to be good in bed at all, even though I wanted to but I couldn't rush him.

"Ron says you have a very nice body, and said I can have a look." Hermione smiled and I could tell she was just happy that Ron was being more himself.

"What did she want?" Ron asked after a few minutes of giggling.

"To see how you were." I said and Ron nodded. "She wanted to know if I thought you should go home for a couple of weeks."

"Please say you said no." Ron said and I nodded and he smiled. "Thanks, I promise I'll be okay."

"I know you will be." I smiled and Ron hugged me and yawned. "Bed time?" I asked and Ron nodded and we said good night to Hermione who grinned at us and we walked upstairs to the bedrooms, Ron got dressed for bed first and climbed into bed, when I was ready I looked at the bed and saw that he was already in a deep sleep, I smirked and then got in the bed and wrapped him close to me as I fell asleep next to him.


	5. Chapter 5

I woke up and Ron was wrapped around me, he still made himself small and vulnerable when he slept which made my heart twinge when ever I thought about how he used to sleep, his body in the middle of the bed his feet dangling over the end and his arms sprawled across mattress. Though I couldn't help but be glad that he he slept like this as it wouldn't have been fun sharing a bed with some one like that.

Ron stirred and moved closer to me, holding me tighter and I ran my fingers through his hair and he relaxed his grip a little, he opened his eyes a little and smiled.

"Morning," I said quietly as I dropped a kiss on his head, he wasn't a morning person and it took him at least five minutes to form a sentence.

"Morning," He grumbled as he closed his eyes again blocking the sun from his eyes. He stretched his legs a little and then curled into me again and smiled. "What are we doing today?"

"Lessons, Quidditch try outs and home work," I smiled cheerfully.

"I'll come and watch you try out," He smiled and I stared at him in shock.

"Your not trying out?" I asked and he shook his head, "Why?" Last year all Ron had spoke about was trying out for the Gryffindor house team and now he wasn't even considering trying out.

"I just don't want to," He said sternly, though I could tell there was more to it than that.

"I think you should." I smiled, "Your good."

"I'm not good Harry and I'm not trying out." Ron's words were final, "We better get dressed or we're going to be late." Even though it was only eight o'clock I knew Ron was just looking for a reason to change the conversation, I sighed as I got out of bed and started to change into my school uniform, watching Ron do the same.

The great hall was buzzing with excitement, all the houses were doing their try outs today after lessons and the excitement was getting too much for most of the students. Ron sat next to me and I took his hand as we ate breakfast, he had some toast and a slice of bacon which he ate most of and I smiled at him as I took the last spoonful of my cereal when Hermione and Ginny came in and sat opposite us.

"Hey," Ginny smiled at her older brother, who finished chewing and then grinned back.

"You all right?" He asked as he took a sip of his drink, and then poured more into my cup and then one for Ginny and Hermione.

"Thanks," Hermione smiled and Ron smiled back.

"I'm okay, what about you?" Ginny asked a little unsure.

"I'm good," Ron smiled. "Though would be even better if we didn't have potions first thing." I smiled at Ron's best efforts to persuade us that he was okay, and it was believable he was acting like his old self again just with less breakfast.

"Potions isn't that bad." Hermione smiled and me and Ron stared in shock, Ginny made a point of putting her hand on Hermione's forehead to see if she was ill which made Hermione laugh as she slapped the cold hand away.

"Your right, it isn't that bad," Ron said seriously after a minute, "And the Cannons are in for a chance of winning this year." I laughed at Ron, even Hermione and Ginny had to laugh we missed the old Ron and was glad that he was back.

"Come on lets go." I smiled.

"Just going toilet, I'll meet you in class." Ron smiled and picked himself of the bench, he squeezed my hand lightly and then walked of.

"He seems better." Hermione smiled as we started walking to the dungeons, Ginny had left us to go to her own lesson.

"Yeah," I smiled, the class was already in the room, and Hermione grabbed us a table, I sat in the middle saving a seat for Ron.

Snape entered the class, closing the door for with a loud bang. He stared at every one through experienced hatred and walked to the front, just as the door opened again. I turned around to see Ron standing at the door awkwardly.

"Your late." Professor Snape scolded and Ron silently started to walk towards the class. "May I ask why your late?"

"Toilet," Ron mumbled, he sat down and I noticed how red his face was, he had been crying.

"Well next time do it in your own time." Snape saw that he had been crying too and I figured that was the reason Ron got away with walking in two minutes late and only a slide comment about it, last year if we were thirty seconds late we would have had detention straight away, and not to mention god knows how many nasty jibes are way.

Snape set out the instructions on the board, Ron stared at them blankly and than copied them down into his book, I wanted to ask him if he was okay, and why he had been crying though I knew the answers to both of those questions. I put a hand on his thigh and squeezed lightly, and he smiled weakly at me.

"Are you okay?" I asked quietly, Hermione had looked up concerned when Ron had walked in and she too noticed he had been crying.

"Yeah." Ron sighed, "I just I'll explain it later yeah?" I nodded, I understood that Ron didn't to talk about things in class, and maybe in front of Hermione.

"Sure." I smiled and he nodded and started the work with more concentration then I had ever seen, even Hermione was startled as he set to the work quickly and accurately.

"Mr Weasley, a word." Snape's voice was stern but soft and completely unfamiliar.

"Yes sir." Ron replied obediently, and followed Snape into his office. I wanted to hear what was being said but believed that Ron would tell me everything later.

"What do you think that's about?" Hermione asked and I shrugged, I was more than curious and couldn't concentrate on the potion until five minutes later when Ron came out.

"What happened?" I asked and he shrugged.

"Tell you later?" He said and I nodded and he smiled and sat back down, instead of going back to the potion he looked behind him, I followed his eye line and saw him stare at Draco for a second before turning away with a frustrated sigh.

Once the class had finished, Hermione left to go to the library though I think it was so I could have a moment alone with Ron, we walked to the common room, neither of us having any lessons until after lunch. Ron sat on my bed and crossed his legs and I sat next to him and he took my hand and smiled.

"So, what did Snape want?" I asked casually and he let out a little laugh.

"About Draco." Ron replied and then sighed. "I need to tell you some thing." I nodded and squeezed his hand to tell him to continue, another sigh and he started to talk again, "You know the night when he kissed me." It hurt Ron to say those words and I could tell, "He opened up to me." I wanted to tell him that I knew already though didn't want him to know that I had been checking up on him. "His father killed himself, and he is really upset about it."

"He killed himself?" I asked trying to act as though I hadn't heard it before.

"And Draco he is having trouble dealing, and I'm the only one he opened up to."

"You?" I asked, this time not acting shocked. "Why would he open up to you, he doesn't even like you."

"That's what I said, Snape overheard me and Draco and saw Draco kiss me, and he wants me to talk to him."

"What?" I was furious, Ron had his own problems how could Snape even except him to consider helping Draco out with his problems.

"Its okay, I said I would." Ron sighed. "I think it would be good, for me." I didn't know how to react, "I know you are only trying to help when you talk to me and it means so much to me, but I think talking to some one who doesn't know me like you, might work a little better."

"But Draco Malfoy?" I laughed.

"I know its crazy, and completely out of character for him to even want to talk to me,"

"What if he tries to kiss you again?" I asked a little worried as I held on to his hand tightly.

"If he tries it will all he'll be doing, I don't want to kiss him, I never have wanted to kiss him Harry. Your my world." He blushed, and I moved in and kissed him deeply. His lips were warm and chapped and tasted like strawberries as my tongue played with his. He moved his hands around my waist and pulled me into a lying position and saddled me, the kiss growing breathless as he rolled his hips into my groin. He moved the kisses away from lips and down my jaw line and started to bite at my neck, I moaned as his hands slid under my trousers, rubbing my erection through my boxers I arched to his touch as he pushed his hands under my boxers and his cold hand gripped my erection and started pumping me, I moaned as his lips captured mine as he ran his thumb over the head of my erection and I couldn't help but release my seed in his palm as he bit on my bottom lip.

"I love you Harry." Ron whispered as my orgasm hit me.

"I love you too." I smiled as he hugged me and tucked me back in.

"Hungry?" He asked as he got of the bed, adjusting his robes.

"Starved." I smiled and got up and followed him to the canteen.


	6. Chapter 6

Ron had been gone five minutes and I felt empty, my life had no meaning with out my red headed boyfriend sat with me. Hermione was a good substitute though my mind was focused on Ron and what exactly he was up to with Malfoy.

"Will you just sit down, be quiet do home work or something." Hermione almost yelled, she had been watching me for the last five minutes, watching my constant eyes looking at the door, and my impatient pacing waiting for Ron to come back.

"I can't. I mean why does it have to be Ron to talk to Draco?" I had asked this question a thousand and three times before, and know one has seen fit to give me an answer.

"If Dumbledore thinks its a good idea Harry, maybe it is." I wanted to go against Dumbledore, Ron and Draco in a room together for an hour, unsupervised anything could happen, he could try to kiss him again!

"In what way is it a good idea, they could kill each other!" Or make out with each other. "Maybe I should just go and check up on them."

"No! Harry you can't." Hermione shouted, causing people to look around. "Look, Ron loves you yes."

"Yeah he says he does." I didn't mean for doubt to be so high in my voice.

"He does love you, he doesn't like Malfoy Harry and you know it. You just need to trust him."

"I do trust Ron, its him that I don't." I sighed in defeat and pressed my eyes into a book that I had already meant to have read for homework, satisfied Hermione went back to her own reading though we were both anxious for Ron's return.

It wasn't till two hours later that Ron eventually came back a small smile on his lips and his eyes glistening with happiness.

"So much for an hour." I said and he looked at me apologetically and took my hand.

"Yeah, I went for a walk." I could tell he was lying, Hermione who frowned could tell he was lying and he knew it. "With Draco."

"Why?" I asked and he looked at me his eyes begging me to stop.

"He wanted to." He said simply, "He was really upset."

"Well you were only meant to be gone an hour. Anything could have happened." I said anger written in my voice, this was enough to set him off and he pulled his hand away from mine.

"If anything could have happened why didn't you come looking for me then if you were so fucking worried!" He shouted not caring who was listening, I didn't have an answer to that and he stared at me in disbelief. "I'm going to bed." I wanted to run up stairs after him and join him.

"That went well." Hermione commented from the sofa and I stared at her and sighed.

"Something happened." I said, coming to the conclusion that know one looks that happy when you walk around for two hours with the person you hate.

"Why would you think that?" Hermione asked. "Harry, why would you think something happened." I didn't answer, she didn't know about the kiss and she didn't need to.

"I'm being stupid, just forget it." I sighed and she gave up. "I'm going to salvage my relationship with Ron," or what's left of it I thought to myself as I walked up the cold stairs to the boys dorm

Ron was sat on his bed, head turned away from me and his body moving slightly as if he was shaking, I could hear strangled sobs and realised he was crying. I sat next to him and he turned around and wrapped his arms around me.

"I'm sorry." He mumbled.

"Its okay Ron." I said as I rubbed his lower back.

"Its not. You were right." My heart froze. Please tell me I'm not hearing this.

"Ron.. what are you talking about?"

"Something did happen." He pulled away from the embrace and I realised how much he was crying, and how confused he was, his lip was practically bleeding from his anxiousness.

"Ron. What did he do?" My mind went into over drive, thinking of all the things Draco could have done to him, but one image came flashing through my mind, Ron walking in the common room smiling.

"He kissed me." He mumbled into his hands as he bit at his nails. "And I kissed him back." I stared at him in disbelief, my heart was a thousand pieces in my chest and my eyes were crying tears that I didn't know I was holding. I stayed quiet for ages, I couldn't get my head around it.

"Do you love him?" I asked, my voice was hoarse and I couldn't believe how drained I sounded.

"No, of course I don't." He said hysterically. "How can you ask me that?"

"I don't know Ron, how could you kiss him?"

"I didn't mean to." He was crying even harder now, and I didn't feel a little bit guilty.

"But you kissed him Ron, and you enjoyed it!" He didn't say anything this time, and I didn't want to hear anything he had to say.

"I'm sorry." He said after two minutes of silence. "I can't do this Harry."

"Your breaking up with me?" He was the one that cheated, I should be breaking up with him but I didn't want to, I wanted to hold on to him forever.

"I can't hurt you." He said after a minute, "I love you, after everything with the twins, Percy, you were the one who helped me, I've always loved you Harry and your the only person who makes me feel as if my life is worth living."

"Then why are you breaking up with me?" I was crying now, not because of what he did, or the fact that he was dumping me, but because I knew him doing it was for the best.

"I can't be with you, when a part of me wants Draco." That hurt more than I thought it could, he wanted Draco. "I love you, I know I don't love him Harry but I don't want to hurt you. I need to get him out of my system."

"I understand," I said and smiled weakly even though my heart was still broken at the thought of not having Ron as a boyfriend.

"Friends?" He asked as he smiled a little.

"Always." I mumbled and I'd always want something more. He wrapped his hugs around me tightly and I wish he never let go.

The following morning hurt. The fact that I woke up alone in my own bed almost killed me, but like always it was always Ron who woke me up.

"Where the fuck is my shoe?" He screamed, I could tell he was looking frantically around the dorm.

"Ron.." I said tiredly and he looked up to my bed and smiled.

"Sorry mate." He mumbled. "Not seen my shoe have you?"

"Its only eight!" I said as I sat up, wondering why he was even up at this time.

"I know, but I couldn't sleep." He sighed. "Sorry didn't mean to wake you."

"No worries." I mumbled and looked to see my other dorm mates still fast asleep, Ron laughed as he saw what I was looking at.

"They could sleep through world war three." I grinned at him.

"Your shoe is under your bed." I smiled and he bent down and grabbed his shoe.

"Thanks Harry, don't know what I'd do with out you." He smiled and put his shoe on. "See you later." He grinned.

"Bye," I mumbled, I knew where he was going. He couldn't hide it from his smile he was going to see Draco.


	7. Chapter 7

**Thanks for all the reviews - smiles - here is an update for you :D... dnt hate me for the cliffy :) just review your anger. more soonies. ps. Patrick.. hope you like your cameo appearence. **

I watched Ron rush out of the dorm room, my thoughts glued onto what him and Draco will be doing before school starts no matter how much it made my heart ache. I got up, knowing that if I went back to sleep my dreams would consist of moving images of Ron and Draco. Silent tears fell down my cheeks as I got dressed and stared at Ron's empty bed, even though he hadn't slept in it since school had started back again, seeing it empty now killed me inside.

I walked down into the common room, not the least bit surprised to see Hermione sat at one of the desks, work books in front of her looking perfectly relaxed.

"Harry, your up early!" She states with a fond smile full of concern as I sat opposite her. "Is everything okay?" She must have seen Ron walk out that stupid smirk painted on his face.

"Yeah every thing is fine," I lied and she knew it was a lie but at the same time didn't push me to tell her the truth, because my lips couldn't vocalise the amount of pain I was actually in. She smiled at me weakly and then focused back on one of her books, I took the liberty of taking one from her and started to read.

Time passed us both quickly, and before we knew it the once empty common room started buzzing with students. I looked up when I heard the common room door open, and was surprised to see Ron walk through it, even with his head down I knew it was Ron, he couldn't hide with hair that unique.

"Hey Ron!" Seamus shouted, Ron didn't look up he waved a hand to the Irish boy before running upstairs, escaping the crowds that had turned to stare at him.

"What do you think that was about?" Hermione asked, her eyes telling me to go up and have a look. But I couldn't bring myself to go upstairs and listen to what ever happened between him and Draco.

"Probably had a fight with his new boyfriend," I muttered viciously even though it killed me to be so hard on my best friend and the keeper of my heart.

"He looked really upset," Hermione sighed.

"Well if he wanted to talk to us about it, he would have walked over and poured his fucking heart out," I said in a bit of a yell, causing eyes to focus on us, great now every one knew we wasn't together any more. Another thing for Draco to rub in my nose. "I'm going for breakfast," I lied, my appetite vanished when Ron broke up with me, I just needed to be alone.

I walked absent mindedly around the castle, my eyes hurt as tears threatened to fall but I held them in, appearing to be the strong soldier that I apparently was. My heart ached for Ron as I made my way out side the castle, the bright colours of Autumn made everything hurt more. I walked into the forest, and found a secluded place and sat and stared at the dirt beneath me.

My pain was washed away with guilt, no matter how much I pretended, I needed to know if Ron was okay, even if he isn't my boyfriend any more, he's still my best friend and that counts for something right?

After a few minutes of steadying my breathing I pushed myself up, wiping the dirt from my clothes and walked back to the castle, there was half an hour until lessons and I knew exactly where Ron would be at this time – breakfast. Head down I walked past the crowds who were talking about me and Ron, or the lack of me and Ron.

"Are you okay Harry?" A fifth year Patrick asked, I had never noticed him before but his eyes captivated me, and I stopped and stared at his smile.

"Fine thanks," I smiled briefly, kicking me on the inside, I had to find Ron. I rushed towards the great hall, stopping to take a steady breath before pushing the large oak doors open. I walked up and down the Gryffindor table, I saw everyone who should be there, all except for Ron. I stopped at Hermione who knew who I was looking for and shrugged.

"He wasn't in the dorm room, I got Seamus to get him to come for breakfast but he said he was gone," She said with a worried expression, "Do you think he is okay?"

"I'm going to find out," I answered, I looked towards the Slytherin table, Malfoy was sat in all his glory, hands and mouth all over Pansy. I walked out of the great hall, head in a spin at where Ron could be. I double checked the dorm rooms, no luck, I paced around the hall ways for ten minutes until reality struck me, where would he go where he knew know body could find him?

The room of requirements.

I raced up to the seventh floor, and like predicted I walked back and forth three times before that familiar screeching sound entered my ears, and a black door appeared before my eyes. I opened the door slowly, not wanting to startle Ron if he was in there.

He was. His hands hiding his face, his body shielding his silent sobs, he didn't even realise I was in the room. I closed the door quietly, and walked over to him. He looked up, and for the first time that day I saw his face.

His eye was black and blue as broken tears tried to fall, his lip was smashed with dry blood forming around the side. I walked over to him quickly wondering what his reaction would be, but to my surprise he embraced me tightly, holding onto me as if he hadn't seen me in years. I could feel his body shake as he sobbed with out control onto my shoulders. He was broken.

"Ron, its okay, I'm here now." I whispered, as I rubbed his hair with delicate fingers.

"I'm so sorry," He cried hysterically, his breathing had become rigid, and I knew he was struggling to maintain it as he started to wheeze.

"Ron calm down," I started to panic, as he started to breath funny. His body shaking in my arms. He took a deep but shaky breath, and I sighed in relief as he started to calm down though he was still crying.

"I'm sorry," He said again this time more understandably as his breathing went back to normal. "I made a mistake,"

"Ron, its okay." I said as he fell back into my arms. "What happened?"

"I deserved it," He said in an audible whisper. "I shouldn't have dumped you, I deserved it."

"No you didn't Ron, who did it to you?" I asked as my hands smoothed down his lower back, I felt him melt to my touch and was glad that he wasn't pushing me away.

"I deserved it, I shouldn't have left you for him, he told me so. It was a mistake, I was a mistake. Everything I've done.. all a mistake." I could feel his breath becoming short, he didn't sound like himself. I pushed him away slightly, his pupils were dilated.

"Ron, what have you done?"

"It was all a mistake," He mumbled. I felt his body get rigid within my arms.

"Ron!" I screamed now, he snapped back to attention and hazily looked in my eyes. "What have you taken?"

"I'm sorry," I felt his arm move to his pocket, and he took out a small tub. Empty.

"How many did you take?" I asked in a panic as I started to lift him up.

"Too many." He whispered. "It was all a mistake, I'll be with them again, like old times." I knew he was talking about the twins, and my heart melted at his words. "I wont be able to hurt you when I'm gone, please let me go." Silent tears fell from my eyes.

"No, I'm not letting you leave me Ron not again!" I was shouting now, my emotions taken over me as I picked him up, he was lighter then he should have been which only told me how deep his pain over the twins really were.

"I love you Harry," He whispered as he slipped away from me.


	8. Chapter 8

Picking Ron up in my arms, tears running faster then my legs as I pushed my way out of the room, running faster then my feet could allow. Every one stared at me, there mouths opened when they realised I was carrying an unconscious Ron in my arms. His weight wasn't getting to me, I was running on stolen adrenaline as I pushed my way through the crowds and to the hospital wing.

"Potter, what happened?" The matrons panicked voice ushered me to a cubicle, where I lay Ron down and watched as she started to look at him.

"He took an over dose." Was all I could say, what else could I say. She stared at me shocked and horrified, and I wondered what would happen to Ron if he made it through it.

"Do you know how much he took?" She asked as she magically opened his mouth, a light coming from no where peering into his throat where a see through tube lay.

"He said a lot, there was none left, please tell me he will be okay," I pleaded as I stared at his pale, unconscious form laying vulnerable on the bed.

"Wait over there Harry, I'll see what I can do, how long ago did he take them?"

"I don't know," I sighed, "About an hour." She made a disapproving sound which made my heart ache. Ron was going to die. "Please, save him." I started to cry, unstoppable tears fell from my clouded eyes as I felt some ones arms slip around me. At first I wished it to be Ron, the picture of him lying in the white hospital bed vanished and he was holding on to me tightly, but my eyes blinked and reality struck me as Hermione started to speak.

"I was hoping it wasn't true, every one is talking about it, I came when I head. Oh Harry!" She was crying too, and I pulled myself together, once again I had to be the hero, I wrapped my own arms around her and she held on tighter, I knew Ron had a special place in her heart, as she did in his, and it made me even more sad knowing that Ron had friends and family that are broken because of what he had done. I even thought about Draco, then anger hit me and I wanted him to be in the hospital bed, my fists clenched at my sides.

"Harry, what happened?" Hermione asked softly.

"He overdosed." I answered numbly, allowing her to pull me away from his cubicle to a chair, I sat down next to her and she took my hand, squeezing it tightly.

"Do you k now why?" She asked as she held my hand tightly, her thumb rubbing over the back of my hand soothingly.

"He was saying how he deserved it, because he hurt me." I broke down at my words, unable to finish what I was saying she pulled me into a tight embrace as the doors swung open.

"Harry what happened?" Molly Weasley's voice broke my heart, her tear stained face added more punctures to my defeated soul.

"He overdosed." I was getting tired, sick and hated saying what Ron had done. Mrs Weasley stopped dead in her thoughts. Her Ron had tried to kill himself, after what happened with the twins and Percy, Mrs Weasley pulled me close to her she cried hard as she stared at her broken son on the bed.

"Ah! Mrs Weasley," Poppy's voice came rushing over, "Would you like to come with me?" Mrs Weasley pulled my arm following her, and I grabbed Hermione's hand and she followed us both into the matrons office.

"Please tell me he'll be okay," Mrs Weasley cried.

"He'll be fine," I sighed in relief at the matrons words. Our Ron was going to be okay. "However, he has caused severe damage to his insides. He has taken a large amount of sleeping pills, Harry do you know how he could have gotten his hands on them?"

"Er, Seamus he had some on his night stand..." Ron must have taken them.

"Right, well he will be asleep for the rest of the day and most likely the rest of the night." Poppy said sadly. "Dumbledore will want to speak to you Harry, Mrs Weasley you are welcome to stay with your son."

"No I can't," Mrs Weasley cried. "How could he do it? After everything..." She was cut of by her own tears, and rushed out of the school matron running after her.

"He'll be okay Harry," Hermione smiled squeezing my hand.

"Will he?" I asked numbly. "He tried to kill himself, you don't just fail and wake up and everything is okay." I was still crying and I couldn't stop. "What if he tries again? What if he doesn't fail next time?"

"We wont let him, we'll be there for him." Hermione said though her eyes were glassed with tears. "Do you want me to leave you alone so you can sit with him?" I nodded mechanically and walked over to Ron's cubicle, Hermione walking out of the hospital, to tell every one that Ron will be okay.

I couldn't believe that the boy lying down in the white bed next to me was the boy that I loved, his ginger hair seemed so plain against the deadly sheets, his red faced cheeks now pale and blended to the ghostly colour of the hospital, the life washed out of him. I sat down next to him on the chair, my fingers laced his.

"Ron, I don't know if you can hear me, but if you can I want you to know that everything is going to be okay." I squeezed his hand tighter, hoping to some how wake him up, to reassure me that he will be okay. "What ever happens, I want you to know that I'll always be here Ron. I love you, forever and always remember?"

"Harry..." His voice was weak but that whisper was like listening to angels sing. "I'm so sorry."

"Ron, its okay." I said and couldn't help but sob in my voice. "You need to rest now."

"Don't leave me," He whispered defeated.

"I'll never leave you Ron." I said quietly, and watched as he went back to sleep.

I fell asleep awkwardly in the chair, my neck drooping over my body like a weeping willow, my hand still firmly attached to Ron's.

The morning light hit me hard, my eyes opened wearily. Ron was in the same position he was the night before, but he now had an IV like thing attached to his arm. I moved a little feeling the cramps in my body as the matron came in a small smile on her face.

"He's doing much better." She smiled at me, "I put the IV in his arm, I don't believe in doing magic on students with out their consent unless they are either unconscious or in desperate need," She said smiling again. "I've spoken to Dumbledore, and McGonagall, they've agreed that it will be best if he goes up until after the holidays."

"What, no, I'm not leaving him." I said a little loudly, receiving a stern look from the matron as Ron stirred in his sleep.

"Who said anything about you leaving him?" She said, this time smiling brightly, "You will be going with him, McGonagall knows about the two of you and doesn't think it good to separate you, especially with Ron in such wars." She said sounded blue. "Ah! Mr Weasley, how are you feeling?" I turned my head quickly ignoring the cramp I felt and stared at a pale looking Ron.

"Tired," He sounded out of it, his voice hard and shaky.

"That is to be expected," The matron replied sternly, "You gave us all a scare." She said and Ron looked guilty, he wasn't meant to be here to feel guilt. "I'll leave you two alone, I'll be back in a few minutes to sort out your neck," She looked at me and smiled and I smiled back gratefully and turned my attention back to Ron.

"How are you feeling Ron?" I asked softly, and he sighed though he looked as though he was too weak to do that.

"I'm okay, tired. But I'll live." He mumbled.

"Do you want to?" I said a little harshly, he looked up at me and then turned away.

"Yeah, I do." He said looking into my eyes and squeezing my hand weakly. "I'm sorry for what I put you through Harry. The whole thing with Draco, it was stupid and shouldn't have happened. I was scared that's the only reason I went too him." He sounded so lost which scared me too death.

"Why were you scared Ron?" I asked softly, sitting on the edge of the bed, feeling the need to be closer to him.

"Of losing you, I lost the twins and Percy and that was too hard, I thought if I pushed you away, it wouldn't hurt so much." I felt tears slide down my face at what he was saying, those small fragile words broke my heart. "I'm sorry."

"Its okay Ron." I smiled. "Your not going to loose me. I'll be yours forever."

"Promise." He said a small smile on his lips.

"I promise Ron." I smiled and kissed his lips softly.

"I really am sorry for.. well you know. I didn't mean to, I mean. I didn't want to die."

"I know." I said, and I did know. Ron was a fighter, he was just lost.

"What's going to happen now?" He asked, moving over slightly gesturing me to sit next to him.

"We're going back to your house till after the holidays," I said, wondering what his reaction would be, he was silent for a while but then smiled.

"You mean your coming too?" He asked and I nodded. "Good. I wouldn't go with out you."

"I wouldn't let you go with out me," I smiled and he laughed.

"We're okay though?" He asked weakly.

"We'll be okay." I said reassuringly, causing another smile from the boy next to me.

"What about Draco?" He mumbled.

"What about him, do you still want him?"

"No, I want you, only you." He said quickly and I smiled.

"Good because you got me."

**A/N... I don't know what to do next with this fic.. but I think I might end it here because it sort of explains everything and ties everything with a pretty little ribbon I think. But hey if you have any suggestions or anything.. I can work with them.**

**THANKS FOR ADDING TO FAVES AND ALERT.. BUT CAN YOU PLEASE REVIEW.. AS IT MAKES ME SMILE :D**


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